Pippa Middleton's extended family 'tell all' in new documentary... but the truth is they've never even MET her
By Deborah Arthurs
Last updated at 1:59 PM on 10th August 2011
It was billed as the Pippa Middleton story told by those closest to her.
But in reality, the most fascinating thing about last night's TLC documentary Crazy About Pippa revealed about Pippa Middleton is that there are a lot of people keen to cash in on the Duchess of Cambridge's sister.
Indeed, the 'inner-circle' of people recruited to divulge the Middletons' innermost secrets turned out to be a handful of journalists, a reality TV reject and a couple of distant cousins who hadn't realised they were related to Pippa until this year.
Her Royal Hotness: Pippa Middleton, pictured at her sister's wedding in April, was the subject of a new documentary that aired on TLC last night
The other thing to come out of the documentary? That there is very little our Pippa-obsessed nations don't already know about Kate's younger sister or, indeed, the entire Middleton clan.
Pippa Middleton, almost unknown a year ago, is now so well known around the world that the American cable channel struggled to find anything new to report in the hour-long show.
And as it aired last night, it became clear that what little there is left to reveal about Pippa would certainly not be revealed here.
While the documentary was heavily hyped, promising tantalisingly that it would discuss Miss Middleton's relationship with Prince Harry, in reality, the show simply hashed out old stories and roped in a couple of opportunistic 'cousins' to spill the beans on their now-famous relative.
The talking heads recruited for the documentary were British journalist Katie Nicholl and American journalist Ashley Pearson. So far so good: as experts on what had already surfaced about Pippa, they knew their stuff.
Distant relative: Katrina Darling, 20, a burlesque performer from Sunderland, is Pippa's second cousin - but she has never actually met any of the Middletons
However, the 'revelations' we were promised from 'those closest to her' came not from those genuinely in Pippa's social circle, but instead from two very distant cousins, Katrina Darling and Paul Harrison, who had never even met Pippa Middleton or, indeed, any of the Middletons.
In fact, Paul Harrison, a 53-year-old fitness instructor from Paignton, Devon, was so far removed that he didn't even know he was related to the Middletons until he was contacted by the film crew.
It later transpired that Mr Harrison's grandfather’s brother married Kate and Pippa Middleton’s great-grandmother, making them second cousins.
New family: Paul Harrison didn't know he was related to the Middletons until he was contacted by the film crew
When it was revealed to him earlier this year, Mr Harrison admitted it was a total surprise.
'It is so bizarre,' he said. 'The only family I ever knew about was my father’s immediate line.
'I don’t think it will change anything but it is lovely to know. I can’t see me meeting her personally.
'She’ll probably see me on television and think: "Who’s that?"'
Quite, but that didn't stop the documentary makers from encouraging Mr Harrison to speculate wildly about his second cousin, despite never having met or had any contact with her whatsoever.
The well-meaning, innocent chap seems quite immersed in his own life as a fitness instructor.
No doubt the production company tracked him down and offered him some recompense to talk about his famous cousin. The results make for awkward viewing.
Mr Harrison, clearly unused to the camera, talks about how he thinks Pippa might have achieved her famous figure, speculating on her exercise routine.
The trained Zumba instructor is filmed taking his aerobics class through a series of steps he says will get them 'a bottom like Pippa'.
'Global phenomenon': The documentary describes how Miss Middleton she shot to fame as maid of honour at her sister's wedding to Prince William in April
The enthusiastic Mr Harrison then ponders the idea of getting together with Pippa to hold a charity Zumbathon.
'That would be great,' he says, wistfully.
The second relative billed as Pippa's cousin is 20-year-old Katrina Darling, a Burlesque performer from Sunderland.
Actually, Katrina is Pippa's second cousin once removed - her grandmother and Pippa's great-grandmother Lily were sisters.
'I can’t see me meeting her personally. She’ll probably see me on television and think: "Who’s that?"'
Like Paul, Katrina has never met Pippa.
Although the documentary doesn't reveal the tenuous family link, it quickly becomes clear as the two speak that neither has ever met or had any contact with their famous relations.
Both speak using only supposition, speculation and grand assumption.
'I would like to think Pippa thinks all this fuss about her bottom is stupid,' muses Katrina. 'I do, so I hope she does too. I hope she doesn't enjoy it.'
She continues: 'She doesn't seem stuck up. She wasn't born with a silver spoon in her mouth.'
Other contributors on the programme have had no more contact with Pippa.
The U.S. porn baron who offered Pippa $5m (£3m) to take part in an adult movie rears his ugly head, taking yet another chance to publicise himself by reading the letter he sent to Pippa in full and reiterating his offer, reminding her that if brother James joined her (in a separate scene of course) he'd be in for a $1m payment.
Self-publicity: U.S. porn baron Steven Hirsch tells how he offered Pippa $5m to take part in an adult movie, reading out the letter he sent to her
'Putting it out there': Viewers get a glimpse of Mr Hirsch's letter to Pippa, which said that her brother James could get $1m if he appeared in a separate scene
'I just wanted to put it out there,' he says of the offer.
Bouffant-haired toff Ben Duncan, billed as a 'reality TV star', postulates on all the 'great parties' Pippa might get invited to now that she's famous.
Blogger Joanna Heggarty weighs in to point out that 'a blind deaf mute person can see that Pippa loves the attention' and 'has great charisma.'
Fame expert? 'Reality TV star' Ben Duncan postulates on all the 'great parties' Pippa might get invited to now
Yes, but Heggarty still feels the need to point it out.
Lesley Reynolds Khan from the Harley Skin Clinic recounts the number of requests they've had from customers asking to look like Pippa.
She suggests that, as Kate's maid-of-honour, Pippa may have worn padded pants under her Alexander McQueen dress for the royal wedding to achieve the derriere that had previously, Reynolds Khan says, seemed 'flat' in jeans.
Mike Bandar, founder of the Facebook appreciation group set up in appreciation of Pippa's bottom, expounds upon the genesis of the page.
A lot of the footage is quite meaningless: pointless scenes that serve only to fill in the gaps around what is effectively an hour-long documentary woven out of no more than a few rehashed newspaper stories and a handful of old photos.
The refrain 'I have no idea!' comes up again and again. Will Pippa get together with Harry? Who will Pippa marry? What will Pippa do next?
'No idea!'
The truth of the matter is, the Middletons are a very private, closely guarded family. If you're a genuine member, you may be trusted with information.
Promises: The trailer promised to divulge details on Pippa's relationship with Harry but, in fact, an unknown relative simply said they'd make a 'good couple'
Anyone else is going to have to speculate. And so speculate TLC did.
It's bottom of the barrel stuff, and shows just what depths our desire for knowledge of the Middletons' every move has reached.
You have to hand it to TLC though. There may have been no new material, but they tirelessly pulled together every shred that had been printed about Pippa.
To paraphrase the porn baron, they just wanted to put it out there.
The result? The documentary was no doubt watched by millions across the globe - many of whom will now be just a tiny bit more entranced by the captivating creature that is Pippa Middleton.
WATCH CLIPS OF THE TLC SPECIAL HERE:
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2024151/Pippa-Middletons-extended-family-tell-new-documentary--truth-theyve-MET-her.html#ixzz1UfMmuSnH
